“Au-delà du bien et du mal, il y a une prairie…je t’y donne rendez-vous” Rumi
NVC enables us to reconnect to ourselves : to our emotions, our felt-senses and our deepest aspirations, … in a word, to our life force; these pearls of Liveliness which sadly we are so often cut off from; these parts of ourselves we show so little in order to protect ourselves …
Being in touch with self is a prior condition for establishing quality connections with others; with what they are experiencing (their emotional states rather than their thinking) and with what motivates them (their needs or aspirations rather than their desires).
Aware of what is alive in both myself and those I am relating to, I can transform my way of being into a relationship, viz.:
- Have a single intention: openness and empathy, towards both myself and others, the sole purpose of which is to seek to build a quality relationship
- Hear, embrace and understand my aspirations and those of my interlocutor rather than judging myself and hearing criticism or blame
- Have the pluck to depart from my old patterns and experiment, make mistakes, open up to difference and see myself and my world through other lenses
- Express and assert myself without crushing others
- Listen to others without disregarding myself
Regular use of this process enables us to contact our common humanness and stimulate trust and a taste for cooperation. Everyone benefits; it is not winning against but winning with.
NVC comprises two parts: SELF (listening to self and expressing self authentically) and OTHER (listening to others – or empathy)
In addition, it comprises four steps:
- Observing fact, neutral and objective facts
- Identifying and expressing feelings (emotions)
- Identifying and expressing the needs from which feelings felt stem
- Formulating a clear, concrete and negotiable request
A veritable keystone of sustainable social development, NVC is taught and used in a wide variety of contexts: couples, families, education, health, corporations and other professional organisations, prisons, public institution, the political arena, etc.